Holy Howlers

Holy Howlers

by Daphne Gilmour


Journal of Craigavon Historical Society

Vol. 7 No. 3 - 1999

Anyone changing the course of history... is usually a student doing an examination, and the same applies to anyone inventing new Commandments or exciting new moral maxims! Here are some such amusing (and true) examples.

  • God wouldn't give Moses any more tablets. (Shades of National Health Service cut backs!)
  • Nobody really knows what God intended by the Ten Commandments.
  • The prophet told the people to lift up their loins (aerobics?)
  • He did not like to invoice the saints.
  • God is in heaven, I suppose, with a flock of angels round him.
  • Jeremiah was put in a pit infested with lions.
  • The Bible too shares my views...
  • Little did God think when He wrote the Bible, how soon the people would forget.
  • There are even people who have seen things that belonged to God.
  • If Jeremiah's mother had of had an abortion there would be a piece missing out of the Bible.
  • Then the sheep will sit down on Abraham's bosom.
  • God had a quare job to get the Children of Israel to move.
  • If your doctor tries out euthanasia on you, you could always change your doctor.
  • Euthanasia could come in handy, if you had no money at all.
  • Hard hard it is for those who have inches to inherit the Kingdom of God!
  • Drink makes you say things behind God's back.
  • Even God wouldn't expect you to go to Church every Sunday.
  • The Holy Spirit was hoovering over the earth.